More About this Wolf

Misunderstanding life and the concept of what "things" meant.

Many people have an image in their mind of a grandmother... someone plump and jolly whose mission in life is to spoil her grand kids and harp on her son or daughter about how they should raise the kids. Sound right? Maybe not... How about someone who is plump and grumpy and always over strict about how the grand kids should behave? OK... how about someone small and frail but jolly and... See my point? Different people have different understandings of what "things" are and what concepts mean based on their personal experience. We all know that grandmas come in a variety of shapes, sizes and dispositions but by default when we think grandma, some specific image and idea that is personal to us comes to our mind. These are concepts and understandings that are shaped by our past.

How about this... think about a fire fighter. Most people think of them as very brave and unafraid of fire or getting hurt while fighting fires. That is why they are able to rush into a burning building or parachute into a burning forest... no fear of fire and no fear of death. The reality though is that most fire fighters are afraid of fire because they know how dangerous and powerful it is. And although fire is somewhat predictable to an experienced fire fighter, there are many hidden variables that can cause a fire to act in a completely un-predicted way. For instance, there could be a wide open stairwell up to the second floor that has a large window at the top. From the outside of a burning house, fire fighters have no way of knowing this when they enter the house. The fast rising heat could cause the upstairs window to blow out and all of a sudden the fire has an excellent venting chimney that allows it to flare and engulf the entire downstairs within seconds. Something that cannot be predicted but that fire fighters are aware of and definitely afraid of. A fire fighters fear and respect of fire is what gives him or her the courage to fight it straight on. And their fear of harm is what gives them the chance to stay alive as well as the drive to stop the fire. So what many people see as a lack of fear is in reality the presence of fear and respect.

So you see, our understandings of life are not always valid. I could not understand why people thought I had a drinking and drug problem or think I was an alcoholic. Yes, I drank a lot and got in trouble once in a while when I was drunk. But my understanding of an alcoholic was someone who lived under a bridge, ate at the soup kitchen, begged for money on the corner and drank what ever they could get their hands on. Well that wasn't me so I wasn't an alcoholic. And everyone knows that drug addicts have track marks (needle scars) up and down both arms, live in the inner city and are into violent crime to support their habit. Well I didn't use needles and I didn't rob people for drug money so I wasn't an addict.

Another "block" that made it hard for me to see myself as an alcoholic is a phenomena of human nature... we tend to surround ourselves with people like us so that we are comfortable. Every one I knew drank a lot and got in trouble once in a while so that seemed normal to me. And likewise it seemed that every one I knew used pills to cop a buzz or handle their stress. My understanding of what an alcoholic or drug addict was in fact a misunderstanding that blinded me to the reality of the unnatural condition of my life.

More of my story:
I didn't want religion, I just wanted my life to get better.

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